Forget 18 and Beautiful.


I’m tired.

Literally, because I’ve been packing all day, and figuratively, because I don’t think youth is wasted on the young and that I and everyone else should live their lives through the rearview mirror.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of romanticizing my teens and past relationships. I’m tired of songs that beg me to go back there, and storylines that pretend at 16 I knew myself and never changed.

Do you remember high school?

I do, and that’s not a time I should daydream returning  to. But somehow, in hindsight, my math class crush became my knight in shining armor.

Somehow, in hindsight, my zits and awkward haircut disappeared.

Somehow, my wish for the present was my Paradise Lost.

But I’ve learned it’s not fair to expect my past nerds and knights to live up to my memory, and reality didn’t let me down easy.

It’s time to forget about 18 and beautiful and the kid who never danced away with my heart. It’s time to stop romanticizing the past, because I’m missing what’s right here.

This moment.

Maybe one day I’ll look back at my white knights at 23, but I hope I wait until I’m so old I can’t count my wrinkles, nor will I care to. Because even on the ugly side of life, I’ve found the beauty in every stage, and I want to live that now.

Forget about 18 and beautiful.

I want 23.


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