My last boyfriend and I broke up a year ago December. By the time I kissed 2014 goodbye, I made a decision:
I would go one full year without a relationship.
In the back of my mind, I told myself I could cheat if I wanted to, and that the year-long commitment was something I could stick to and pretend to be proud of in case I didn’t find anyone to cheat on myself with.
So, for the record, we’re saying I’m proud of it.
But having 365 (almost there!) days entirely to myself
and my best friend
(and my dog)
is a gift I never asked for, but I’ll keep it.
Kalyn and I have been friends as long as I can remember. When I was younger, one of my worries about growing up was growing up meant getting married and getting married meant no more sleepovers. And Kalyn and I had the best sleepovers.
Relationships ended. I graduated. I moved away. I found a town with people and a dream I could plant my heart in. If I worried about losing sleepovers as a kid, how could I cross the state lines?
Why did I think growing up meant growing out of my best friend?
I took one year to find my balance in the world. One year outside of a relationship. One year to define myself for me.
On days when I forgot who that is, I had Kalyn to remind me. I see now what I should have known all along…
and that is she should have always been my forever confidant.
This year, I choose the power of self confidence. I choose staying up late with only my dog to talk to. I choose single-path jogs, coffee at midnight, and the Nashville skyline. I have time, so I choose writing and beauty sleeping and spilling dirt because I’m not scared and I can. I choose to say I love you to my dog and my mom and my dad and sister and my best friend. I choose to unbridle my spirit and guard my heart and to search for more than an excuse to fall in love. I choose working after work to make something of myself and music city, and I choose one person to work to talk to every day. I choose to love myself and to keep my person who will always equally understand both x’s on my map.
to 2015, and Kalyn, and my life’s plus ones,
(And my dog)
I choose you.