What’s Sex Got to do With it?

 I’ve made two posts in a row on Facebook pointing out a problem with society respecting and protecting women, and both times it has turned into an unrelated political debate. What I hear from that is, “Let’s create another issue. How about those men using the bathroom with our girls?” and “Inequality? Women fought for equality and now they can’t handle it. We don’t have a problem here.”

Yes we do.

 We have a problem with men respecting women. And we have a problem with woman hating the very essence of who she is.

  1. The Bathroom Problem

I am outraged. I see hateful arguments about the transgender bathroom issue, using the point that it puts girls in danger. I’m surprised  at this sudden concern for girls and their safety. I’d like to see more of that. How about the safety of our girls at home and with their family members? What about at church?

I had a friend in school who confessed to me that she liked girls because she couldn’t stomach the idea of a man. Her father molested her. Let’s not pile hate on top of hate.

If you want to protect girls, please….protect them. But don’t use them. Don’t use them as a pedestal for a bigoted political argument.

My friend from school could be transgender now. She could be fine, or she could be broken and hurting now like she was then. What kind of a message are you sending to her when you preach from your hilltops that she’s disgusting and wrong and a danger? That she’s worthless.

You know something?

My friend already felt that. A little girl’s biggest idol is her daddy. She doesn’t need you reaffirming that crushing weight that her father drug across her heart.

Don’t tell her she’s despicable, because your soul is imperfect too.

I hear an outcry of concern for our girls when they use the bathroom. Let’s actually be concerned for them. Let’s fight for them. Listen to their stories again that you wouldn’t believe.

But most of all, love them. And love every person you don’t understand and realize their demons and their battles run deeper than your fight over where to sit, stand, or squat.

2. The Sexism Problem

Ladies, let’s not get so caught up in traditional gender roles that we forget we were made to be fierce and beautiful. You have the freedom to make what you want of your life. Some days will come easy, and others you will struggle. That’s reality for either sex. But don’t conform to what society wants from you if it’s not what you want for yourself. Don’t crush your own spirit in the the name of tradition.

Recently a guy messaged me on Facebook and said, “I don’t know u but ur cute and we have mutual friends.” Well ok.

On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with that, other than a grown man who can’t seem to spell. If someone compliments me on my looks, I’m flattered, but it needs to go further. It didn’t with this guy, and when I called him out for being rude (because he really, really was) he retorted with, “Well someone is sensitive.”  In other words, pose for the picture. Look pretty. Let me tell you your worth. Be feminine, but by all means, don’t be sensitive

I want men (I’m old enough to say that now, right?) to feel nervous when I wear dark red lipstick and outright terrified when I open my mouth.

Or maybe awestruck, or at least, you know, have a slight appreciation for what I have to say.

I want him to see me, but more importantly, I want him to hear, to listen, and to challenge me.

Because it’s okay to want to look pretty, but I should hope as human beings we see each other for more than that.

In her 2014 speech to the UN, Emma Watson stated,

 Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not, and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be freer.

No woman will have it completely “all together” like you might imagine the perfect woman should. The same goes for men, because life isn’t a Disney movie and we are more than beauty versus brawn.

This isn’t an argument or political statement on gender or morality. I want to see less politics and more love.

As a society, as Christians, as Buddhists, as neighbors on this earth and as people who all battle their hearts and their minds and have the courage to keep living even when it hurts,

Let’s be here for each other. Let’s fight for each other. Let us love.




  1. Thank for you this!
    You’re right- Facebook is the breeding ground for some unseemly conversation this morning.

    I understand where the arguments about girls’ safety are coming from, and I don’t want to discount them by any means. I think my issue is the motivation behind individual arguments. Some are genuine, and others are taking the opportunity to bash the LGBT community. Regardless, I hope the conversation about protecting girls (and all people for that matter) doesn’t end when this issue does down.

    1. Agreed.

      I’ve seen the hateful posts towards LBGT and while I am not a supporter of LGBT , I am a supporter of human beings and I can’t truly hate anyone if I claim the love of Christ because of the value of every persons soul.

      True love says I love something because it is right , not because I want it. 1 Corinthians 13:6 says “love does not rejoice in wrongdoing”. While I do not believe that there is anything right with homosexuality , I also do not believe there is anything right with hating a person because of it.

      I appreciate you and totally respect you for convictions about protecting all people. The world can be a dangerous place , wouldn’t it be great if the church could be viewed as the safest place in it again?

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